Monday, March 24, 2014


There are some people who do fine without sleep. I am not one of them. Last week I had three nights in a row where I only got about four hours of sleep each night and it wasn't consecutive hours. By Saturday night I was on the verge of a breakdown both physically and mentally. Saturday night and Sunday night I finally slept and it felt soooo good. Lack of sleep is one of the quickest ways to trigger a depressive episode for me.

That being said sleep deprivation is one of the parts of being a parent that scares me. The idea that night after night being woken up every couple of hours is almost enough to make me give up on kids. I know that sounds selfish but it is very true. I just don't know if I could be sleep deprived for years on end and not need to be admitted. I admire parents who manage and conquer this aspect of parenting.

Monday, March 17, 2014

One Year Later

I started this blog with a lot of big intentions when I was feeling really good. Then my mental health took a nose dive for the better part of 2013. It is hard to believe it has been a year since I sat up that night reading and writing and feeling like I was looking at the world with fresh eyes.  Within one month of starting the blog I crashed and crashed hard. The depression was such that my very faith was shaken and it has taken me a while to even want to work my way back.

This past year was not what I wanted or hoped it would be but there have been some surprises that I didn't see coming:
          *Eric was able to sign a contract in WI for after residency in August. This kept us from wondering the whole year where he would work and if he would have a job when the student loans came due. Wisconsin had never been on our list of places to live but it fit everything we wanted except the winters are mild in Wisconsin.
          * My job at the library has challenged me and forced me to interact with people on an almost daily basis. When the depression is bad I don't want to get out and do anything. My job forced me out of the house and into a place where I had great co-workers and had a good laugh at least once a shift.
           * I was able to serve in Primary for 2013 and work with the children at church. Every Sunday I was able to focus on the children and what they needed rather than my fragile faith. It was a calling where I needed to be at church but I didn't have to focus on me. Just being there was enough of a challenge most weeks and Primary was the perfect place for me.

I am hoping to be a bit more balanced in in 2014 but with a major move coming in the summer there are no guarantees.