Don't Rock the Boat

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The month of June was a little more stable for me. Even with going home to Iowa, which caused a minor homesickness break down, June was pretty good. I am still not back to doing everything I know I should or even want to because it scares me. I was explaining to Eric that right now I am floating but stable in a tiny little row boat. I know if I put the oars in and start paddling I will make more progress and go where I need to go. But I am scared that in the process of getting my oars ready and starting to move that I will rock the boat and start to sink again. It isn't the best way to think but that was the only way I could really explain it.

Eric and I have a really big decision to make about a job in the next six to eight weeks and I know I need to get back to reading scriptures and praying so I will be able to be in tune to what the Spirit tells us about the job.

It is time to start rowing.

Homesickness

Over the last year the desire to live near my family has grown intensified. Eric and I were able to visit my family in June but on the last day it was really hard for me to get ready to leave. Eric and I had a long talk about the situation because we both have worries about our future. Due to Eric's career we can't gurantee that we will live near my family when he is done with residency next year.

Eric is worried that I will never be happy if we end up living away from my family and that I will resent him for taking me away. He is also worried that he will might take a job that won't really provide for us or be good for his career just to get me near my family.

I am worried that even if we are near my family I won't be happy.

There are a lot of fears that are there and some are manifesting because we are getting closer and closer to making a decision about where we will settle when Eric is done in less than a year.