Three choices

On Tuesday night I normally go to a depression support group at my church. Last night it was cancelled and I quickly made a list of things to do that filled the evening. When I got home my kitchen was covered in ants. (This is an ongoing problem for about a week now.) I also got a text that a church member needed help moving last minute and a phone call that another church member needed a ride home from the hospital that is a bit of a drive on Wednesday mid-day. Needless to stay I was overwhelmed with what to do. Add to all this that Eric is stuck in traffic and has already agreed to go help with the emergency move.

I had a few options. One, I could sit down and cry and do nothing. I will admit that was very tempting and almost followed through with this.  Two, I could say "good luck, you are on your own" to the people who needed help and do my own thing. Things which I always promise myself I will do and never follow through with. Three, get up and go to work. In the end I went and got dinner (no way was I cooking in a kitchen with more insects than rice), picked up a map that Eric needed and then went to help the move while working out the ride situation. Eric got home (after the traffic "magically" cleared; prayers are answered) and cleaned up the ants and we went off to the move.

I am glad I went and helped with the move and was able to figure out the ride situation but I am still frustrated with the fact that once again I didn't follow through with what I promised myself I was going to do.

A Weekend Round Up

There were quite a few moments this past weekend that allowed me to reflect on my choice about being positive.

*On Friday morning I made a mistake at work and when my boss tried to help she made a mistake and so two little mistakes made a bigger mistake. In the end it all got straightened out but I could feel my self worth starting to slide down, down down. I noticed it and just said "STOP! Your worth is not dependent on a task at work." I had to really think positive thoughts for a while but I bounced back way quicker than I would have in the past.

* Friday was our five year wedding anniversary. I know, super cool. Due to Eric's schedule he was up and gone before I was awake and got home in time to go to bed. I realized I could choose to be sad about not spending time with my husband on our anniversary or I could choose to be grateful that I am married to a wonderful man who is working so hard to become a doctor and that we have had five years to spend together.

* On Saturday I went to an activity with ladies from my church. We were able to share laughs and support and it was great to spend some time getting to know these woman better and learning more about who they are.

*Thursday night I met with some women from church to work on making blankets and hats for babies in the NICU. I am a talker but on Thursday, for a change, I sat and listened. I learned so much about the women who I was working with. The concept of listen twice as much as you talk might have some merit. I might have to try this again :)

*On Saturday Eric (my husband) asked "Why now?" I had to think for a few minutes before I could answer him. What I came up with was that my depression is really well managed right now. The energy that was being used to just get through the day can now be put to being more positive and accepting life the way it is. Also I am the type of person that needs to feel it is my idea to make a change. Eric has been trying to help me be more positive for awhile but I had to be the one to really choose to make the change and in the past week I felt like it was time to make a change. A lot of my motivation has come from this blog.


This is a week of a lot of little things that used to drown me but this week helped lift me up.