What Happy People Do Differently

 

While I was working a cover story in Psychology Today caught my eye when I walked by the magazine display at the library. The story is titled "What Happy People Do Differently." As I read it I was intrigued by the characteristics that were studied.

The first characteristic was that happy people purposefully make themselves uncomfortable by going out of their comfort zones from time to time ON PURPOSE. Of all of the sections this was the hardest one for me to be excited about. I do not enjoy the unknown in any way shape or form.



The second characteristic was to not get caught up in the details of life. One of the main examples was that depressed people notice small and quick facial expressions and work to interpret them and thus interfering with day to day life. As I read this I thought, "oh my gosh, that is totally me." If someone is smiling at me as I am talking and then the smile goes away I take it personally and wonder what I said wrong, how to fix it, and is our friendship over all while the other person is just not smiling because their cheeks got tired.



Third, was about being a good friend and having a good friend in the good times. So much focus is given to being a friend in the hard times but happiness depends more on a friend in the good time.



The characteristic that helped the most was this one. Happy people accept and acknowledge the negative feelings that they have. There are times when they do hide them because it isn't appropriate or they don't feel comfortable with sharing at the moment but they aren't hiding the feelings from themselves. It was such a relief to have an expert remind me that I don't have to feel happy all of the time to be happy.



Last was all about balance. In my weekly support group we all laugh every time someone says balance because we have found that balance truly is a buzz word for life.  "If you want to envision a happy person's stance, imagine one foot rooted in the present with mindful appreciation of what one has—and the other foot reaching toward the future for yet-to-be-uncovered sources of meaning." I have talked about and thought about how to balance being content with what I have now but still wanting to reach for more. This is something I am still working on and there are times when one is more important to me than the other.

In the end I think this quote summed up the idea of a happy life the best:

"The good life is best construed as a matrix that includes happiness, occasional sadness, a sense of purpose, playfulness, and psychological flexibility, as well autonomy, mastery, and belonging."



All pictures and quotes from Psychology Today July 2013

 http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201306/what-happy-people-do-differently 

music

In my life I have met people who are true music lovers, Me, not as much. I enjoy music but I go days without listening to music and do just fine. That being said there are times when a song really touches my heart. Here are a few of my favorite.














 

When the feeling comes

http://understandquran.com/who-says-miracles-dont-happen-in-our-time.html

Today was Fast and Testimony meeting at church. There was a much larger crowd than usual because of a baby blessing. The baby who was blessed was delivered at 24 weeks and spent three months in the NICU. His life and his progress is a miracle. After the blessing I took the opportunity to share my testimony about the small miracles that I have seen in my life lately. All week I had been thinking about the "small" miracles that I experience and how I need to be more aware and grateful for them. Until I got to church I had forgotten that it was fast Sunday but once I remembered I knew I needed to bear my testimony today. It was a very tender experience for me and one that helped strengthen me and my faith in God.

Some of the small miracles I have noticed include getting to work on time even when I over sleep since time seems to slow down and all the lights are green, dinner being ready on time for a dinner appointment even though it never should have worked out, Eric getting a job offer this early in his third year of residency (granted that is a bigger miracle). Even today I was shown another miracle. On the Sundays when I work I normally take leftovers to warm up at church and eat there. Today the meeting ran long and I didn't have time to warm something up and eat. Luckily I had a sandwich since we had no leftovers. I ate in my car as I drove to work and got there just as my shift started.

Different Trials and choosing to be happy.

Samuel and Sara Kushnick celebrate a birthday together. Courtesy of Sara Gorfinkel

Last week I was at work and noticed someone before had left the internet browser open to a personal interest story. The title caught my eye so I started reading. The story drew me in and left me sort of breathless and soul stirred.

I was in awe as to how someone could go through so much and yet still be so optimistic. At first I envied her for being able to perservere. Then I let my self off the hook by thinking, "If I didn't have depression I could be optimistic as well." Finally I realized that no matter what the trials are there is a choice to be happy about it.

Don't Rock the Boat

www.wikipaintings.org

The month of June was a little more stable for me. Even with going home to Iowa, which caused a minor homesickness break down, June was pretty good. I am still not back to doing everything I know I should or even want to because it scares me. I was explaining to Eric that right now I am floating but stable in a tiny little row boat. I know if I put the oars in and start paddling I will make more progress and go where I need to go. But I am scared that in the process of getting my oars ready and starting to move that I will rock the boat and start to sink again. It isn't the best way to think but that was the only way I could really explain it.

Eric and I have a really big decision to make about a job in the next six to eight weeks and I know I need to get back to reading scriptures and praying so I will be able to be in tune to what the Spirit tells us about the job.

It is time to start rowing.

Changes Part 2

Last month on my husbands 31st birthday I wrote about all of the changes that had happened in the last year. Today is my 31st birthday I am thinking about the changes I need to make.

When I lived in Iowa my stake (a group of congregations in a geographical area) did a special Sunday night meeting about depression. One of the speakers came and spoke about his experience dealing with depression and also having a leadership position in the church, a large family, and demanding job. He told us that when things got nitty-gritty he focused on six things; three spiritual and three more physical/temporal.

Saving Six:
1) pray daily
2) scripture study
3) Attend church meetings and go to the temple
4) Eat a balanced diet that also includes enough water
5) Sleep appropriate amounts
6) Workout daily

My goal the next year is to focus on these six things when things get nitty-gritty and also to help prevent things from going down hill.

Homesickness

Over the last year the desire to live near my family has grown intensified. Eric and I were able to visit my family in June but on the last day it was really hard for me to get ready to leave. Eric and I had a long talk about the situation because we both have worries about our future. Due to Eric's career we can't gurantee that we will live near my family when he is done with residency next year.

Eric is worried that I will never be happy if we end up living away from my family and that I will resent him for taking me away. He is also worried that he will might take a job that won't really provide for us or be good for his career just to get me near my family.

I am worried that even if we are near my family I won't be happy.

There are a lot of fears that are there and some are manifesting because we are getting closer and closer to making a decision about where we will settle when Eric is done in less than a year.